Recently I diagnosed myself with anxiety, I know I’m not a doctor but the next best thing is self-diagnosis. I had it all along but have only just realised how apparent it is now. After reading countless blogs on this topic I see quite a lot of similarity of it in myself. I wouldn’t say I have overwhelming anxiety but never the less it does cause me some kind of stress.
It is very apparent when it comes to jobs and interviews! Which I don’t actually think is uncommon, it is normal to be nervous and a bit anxious of the unknown, but to the point where you talk yourself out of it? I am a huge huge dreamer and that corresponds with my career and my goals. I’m an ambitious girl and I want to go out there and conquer the fashion/beauty world! *fist bump* so why do I let this stop me?! More than anything it is so frustrating. I feel like im supposed to have my sh*t together by now!
I get an amazing opportunity for the job I want (after years and years of being in that state of a 20-something woman who has no idea what she wants to do with her life!) and I just can’t go. I sit there for hours wondering what they will think of me. What if my words don’t come out? I get terrible belly pains, nervous sweats and just the constant voice in my head telling me it’s not worth it L I’ve been to interviews before and I can hear myself stammering and all the negative comments seep in and all the effort I put in tends to be pointless, I already make my mind up that they won’t want me in their company.
It’s not that I’m not capable, I don’t tend to apply for jobs where I know I wouldn’t be able to cope or have the skills so I know I can do the job I’m going to the interview for. That is where the element of guilt and disappointment I have for myself comes in, so not only do I have to deal with the anxiety but all those feelings afterwards. The feeling of worthlessness and how much I have wasted a good opportunity.
The funniest thing is I can also sit there and tell myself that it’s an amazing opportunity; you are opening doors for yourself, you’ll be fine, just let your personality shine through etc. etc. yet .
I just don’t believe enough for me to put one foot in front of the other and make my way there…
I would really appreciate it if anyone out there also suffers from these kind of symptoms and has certain techniques which help them overcome them could get in touch with me ..Not that I want anyone to experience this! Maybe it’s nothing and maybe I’m just over reacting? I know it is all in my mind and I don’t know how I go to this stage really. Everyone deserves to live their life freely and not be setback, but it’s those kinds of things that make us stronger in the long run!